Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
