accomplished twins. life is a go
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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