"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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