We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
