Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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