Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
