I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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