PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
