Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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