Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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