What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
