i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
