i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
