i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Panties = found
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
