you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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