so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
