I can't watch pbs sober anymore
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
