why didn't you poke me back
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
