I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
