our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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