You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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