it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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