There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
