please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
