so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
