hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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