hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
