lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
