So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
