chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
