I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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