bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
