he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
