im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So apparently I’m into choking now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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