Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize