sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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