I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
