I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
