Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
