I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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