I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
