Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
