Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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