They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
