Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
