There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
