I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
