I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
