Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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