I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
