you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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