I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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