I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
