omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
