So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
