Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
