It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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