I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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