I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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