Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
