I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
