Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
