6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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