I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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