Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My ATM looks so different sober.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
