I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
