She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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