I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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