When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
