Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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