Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
