just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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