Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
vagina is talking i cant
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
