its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
