i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
