last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
