shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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