Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
