He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
