We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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