Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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