Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So many bounce houses so little time
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
