I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
