The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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