how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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